A Different Kind of Crazy

Why are men so crazy? I know that’s a huge generalization, but …. in my world, majority rules. So excuse me if I’m not talking about the slim minority of Denzel like or Tom Hanks type of guy. You know – squeaky clean, sensitive while still sexy, manly and alluring. (Side note here: it makes me sad that I can no longer include Bill Cosby in that group.) Hence, most are just a tad insane.

Number 1 in the world of crazy is the Alpha Male type. You’ll know them by their edgy demeanor, easy yet robust laughter, quick smile and popularity. Alpha males are very well liked. But there is a dark cloud to this easy going guy. My theory is that it’s all part of a grand design to cover for a multitude of deep seeded self esteem issues. So he over compensates and hopes that no one notices. This fellow is just a tad to rough, both in words and actions. His attempts at affection or compassion are both awkward and painful. And he might get mad at you for mentioning that he caused you pain. Like it’s your fault that he hurt you. This mental health client will also start discussions around some particularly sore topic and then hammer away relentlessly, until – surprise, surprise, hurtful things are said. Then, crazy times two, show up later for ‘make up ‘sex. Now I know you probably have been seduced by the hype that popular movies and television have sold us surrounding ‘make up’ sex, so I hate to bust some bubbles. But, there is a limit, or maybe it’s a line that you cross at some point. And then make up sex, doesn’t. It just doesn’t ‘make up’ for whatever happened. So don’t overdo it.

Then there’s the pseudo sensitive, smooth talking, Dr. Phil’d , metro-sexual type. His buzz word or maybe even mantra is – I understand. Usually spoken with an earnest nod, or hand to chin, until you notice that the tilt of his eyes is downward, toward your ta-ta’s. (Breasts for those of you who may be Mad TV impaired.) Don’t be fooled ladies; he hasn’t heard a word you said about your stagnant career, or concern for the rain forests. He’s practiced his words and hand gestures to mask his ultimate, DNA driven goal – conquest and your Victoria Secret’s around your ankles. Once the wedding cake has been eaten and the souvenir slice has been discarded, your cosmopolitan man will return to his original and true state of being. In other words, after Beauty marries the beast/prince, he will grow that body hair back, fire the castle staff, walk around scratching, burping and farting and attempt to put you on your hands and knees to service his household, family and carnal needs.

Which type do you have or which type are you? To be continued.