Recovering from religion

I am a recovering atheist. I think I’m at the acceptance phase, or step 11 in the 12 step program. I’m saying that my higher power is me. Religion and all that it stands for is all just way more work then its worth.

It pains me to say it since most of my family professes to some degree of Christianity. But I doubt that any of them will be reading this, so I have a certain amount of freedom. Also, considering a few of the people who have boasted of their love of God, -Jim and Tammy Faye Baker, Jerry Falwell, George Bush – they have embarrassed some of us who have been hanging on by a thread anyway.

I’ve always felt impaired when it came to spirituality. I didn’t feel what everyone else seemed to feel, never felt any better after prayer, or the guiding hand of anyone in my life. It’s like whatever language was being spoken, I didn’t speak, didn’t understand or there was too much static on the line. And can someone please explain to me why ‘speaking in tongues’ all sounds strangely alike? It’s all – la, la, la, la, followed by gibberish, then some more lalala’s. But anyway, I never got it or felt anything spiritual or mystical. But I stuck with it, hoping that I too would feel the certainty and satisfaction that my peers seemed to have. I’ve been away from the church too – always returning after a few years, hopeful that I would get it this time. Well, no more. Done that, been there.

It always starts the same with the initial honeymoon stage. That’s when everyone likes you and each other and we’re all one in the spirit. Then the cracks in the façade begin to show – sniping amongst the chosen leaders, someone is seen somewhere ‘inappropriate’, the occasional out of wedlock or extramarital pregnancy and finally straight up insanity – someone is dis-fellowshipped or asked to leave the flock. The level of hypocrisy in some churches is astounding and I will no longer take part.

The attraction to religion and supreme beings is seductive and self serving, particularly as we get older. The closer we get to the ‘jumping off’ point, the more we want to believe that there is something, anything else. I understand that. Whether you’ve had a privileged life or a life of poverty and pain, as you near the end you’re bound to think – ‘is that it, no do-over, no bonus plan?’ So I get part of the attraction – it’s like an insurance plan for the ever after. The religion that you choose then determines what kind of pay off you’ll get – heaven, virgins, re-incarnation or as Scientologists believe – evolving on to another form. You pay into the plan as you go by following the rules and protocol and by recruiting others to do the same. Recruiting is big in all religions, you must get others to believe and behave as you do.

I would like to create a religious smorgasbord of sorts, where you get to pick and choose all the things you like in a cafeteria, ala carte. I would then load up on the extra lives thing. I think this is why celebrities are converts and followers of Ron L. It’s all about the benefits package, the chance for a spiritual do over and rewards for a life of piety and compassion