Childhood Firsts - the Second Time Around

My son was diagnosed with autism twice - the first time took me by surprise and I rejected it, almost as if by rejecting the news I would also reject the reality. By the second diagnosis, I had seen enough, researched enough and experienced enough to accept that it was indeed a reality. The time between each events was filled with anger, self pity and self absorption. But I got through it and was ready to hear the word the second time around.

Autism is filled with second times around. Prior to his diagnosis my son was a pretty typical toddler - he toddled, babbled, cooed, had about 20 single words, played peek-a-boo and gave lots of eye contact. After diagnosis or more precisely, after his 18 month vaccines, I literally watched my son disappear. It was a gradual disappearing act, but disappear he did.

First his interests went away - from toys to pots and pans, but not in the usual way. He developed a near perfect spin of my tops, able to spin multiple tops with the perfection of a magician, never letting one in the row stop. Then his words gradually went away, first he added fewer and fewer new words to his repertoire, then the words that he did have slipped away till finally the fated day that he uttered the last intentional word.

I can still remember all the details of that day. We were sitting on our futon in the family room watching a Sesame Street video, or at least I was watching. He was walking back and forth on the futon until the video was nearly over. At the end of this video there were 3 monkeys and Morgan stopped, sat down and said clearly. Monkeys (pause) monkeys. I was thrilled - I finally had evidence that my son wasn't autistic. The next day I tried to replicate the day - setting up the video, same food, same time and waited for the end to hear those beautiful words. Nothing. Morgan didn't utter another intelligible word for nearly a year. But when he did....

That's what I mean about second firsts. Most moms celebrate their baby's firsts one time - I was given the privilege of celebrating twice. His first words - even sweeter the second time around. I remember that day vividly as well. It was after 6 months or so of ABA therapy - 35 hours a week at a cost of nearly $2,000 a month. We had been working on saying bye-bye and leaving the house without taking off running down the street without anyone with him. It had not been going well. I had tried over and over with the help of his ABA consultant and he just couldn't seem to wait to get out - he would tear off like a streak of lightning down the sidewalk toward the street. David would then grab him and bring him back as often as he ran away. I was getting pretty despondent and wondered if he would ever get it. One day David suggested that Morgan's sister, Geneva give it a go. I gladly said yes as I was tired of being disappointed and wearily walked back inside. The Gods were surely smiling down on us because instead of tearing off, he allowed Geneva to hold his hand. When he got about half way down the walk, he turned around, looked up at me and said "bye,bye mama" and gave me his Queen of England backwards wave.

It was as if the sun had just broken through a wall of dark clouds and a chorus of angels were singing. He spoke his first words - for the second time. Since that time we've had lots of second firsts - first kisses (Geneva also an integral part of this one), first peek-a-boo, first successful hair cut, first bike ride, first trip down a slide, first time in a pool - the list is endless and they continue to come, though not as often as he's gotten older.

Second firsts - one of the blessings of having a child with autism. Of course if I had to choose, I would choose only once, but our seconds have been sweet. As I've often told my friends, autism is like the best club that I never wanted to be a member of, but now that I am - I will continue to relish all of my son's firsts, be they the first or second time around.