It's been a while since I've posted anything, but for the last 3 months I've been living in a place that I call 'Short Sale Hell'. Or it might be purgatory because it's a place that short sales go to torment the people involved; not quite dead but definitely not near consummation. It's a place where real estate agents of buyers are left completely in the dark as if dropping a contract into a deep well with no end in sight. After all the talk of leveling the playing field, of transparency and protecting the consumer, we are actually no better off and in some cases, worse off then before. Even after the infamous 'stress tests' in which the larger banks were instructed to raise capital, lien holders are still holding onto properties, inflating inventory to an all time high. Also despite increasing sales, deals stay in a pending status for months and months and there is very little reported about the number of sales that actually close with buyers receiving the keys to their new homes.
It has, however, created a blooming industry of REO experts offering their sure fire ways of making a bundle off the misery of others. They alone have the key to unlock the coffers to the banks mysterious methods of doing business in uncertain times. My in box is laden with offers of webinars and easy to follow downloads that will give you instant access to the decision makers and the key words and phrases that will unlock the safe to actually closing sales. It's pure insanity. The longer these listings stay on the market with more looming near foreclosure, the longer prices will continue to drop. Yet lien holders hold on to them as if they haven't read a newspaper or seen a financial broadcast in years.
In my frustration, I wrote a petition stating the frustrations that I'm sure many other real estate agents feel. I've placed it on the Care2 petition site - Short Sale Hell. The text for my petition is as follows:
We, the undersigned real estate professionals and potential home buyers are weary of the insanity going on in the real estate lending industry. We have stood by and watched lenders peddling exotic loan products designed only to bilk consumers out of their hard earned money with zero accountability. We have read of scheme after scheme involving millions of dollars in real estate while we continue to toil for just enough to stay afloat. We have represented clients with the ability and desire to buy a home forced to wait for months and sometimes years for a place to call their own only to have a lien holder accept and then later turn down a legitimate offer. We have stood by while lien holders make promises, talk about 'due diligence', add condition after condition, hoop after hoop only to then turn their noses up when anyone dare to question their complete lack of good sense or basic math.
In the last 12 months property values have continued to plummet, yet lien holders seem to be living in a fantasy land where values are determined by their desire to get the highest price possible. Huge profits were made in recent years by adjustable rate mortgages with sky high caps, late fees and loan costs, yet they want more. Billions of tax payer dollars were poured into an industry that still refuses to accept any blame, yet they still sit on the fence holding on to properties worth a fraction of what they were worth a few years ago.
Home sales by all accounts are increasing but mean nothing because most of these sales stay in a pending status for months and sometimes years. Closed sales on the other hand continue to drop - why? Because lien holders will not allow them to close, forcing agents to drop purchase and sale agreements into a black hole with absolutely no way of knowing what happens to them and no way to adequately represent their client. It's exactly like being on a flight that never lands but continues to circle the airport with an occasional announcement to hold on a decision to land is forth coming. And then of course when you do land you’re back where you started only with less money, less time and more stress an aggravation.
We demand an end to the madness. No more incentives - banks do not care about $1,200 per closed transaction. No more writing deals without any end in sight. No more hoops, conditions, phone calls, urgent emails. We demand that lien holders look at the current numbers and trends and base their decisions on those numbers - like legitimate appraisals, auctions, and home values that continue to drop. Finally no more reneging on their promises. If you agree to a price, you should be forced to accept that price. Enough is enough. We will not stand for another short sale that goes bad at the last minute and we will not deliver another message to a hopeful home buyer that some arbitrary decision has been made after a buyer has gone through an arduous approval and vetting process and waited patiently for the privilege of giving another lender their money. NO MORE.
Pretty heady stuff, I know, but I was angry and tired and had been dealing with a short sale transaction for veteran of 2 wars - Vietnam and Desert Storm. If there ever was a more worthy group deserving of a home to call his home, it does not come to mind. Does not matter to the powers that be who have come no closer to defending our country than the television remote control in their hands. I had to face this gentle giant week after week with absolutely no knew information other than please hold on. Talk about feeling completely useless and powerless. My broker told me to take a step back, not to get so involved. But in real estate, you are dealing with a very personal asset. A place where the most intimate details of your life unfold. How not to get involved and invested is my question and struggle. It's not like we're selling suits at Men's Warehouse where if the suit you had on your eyes on is available right down the street.
Well enough ranting, I have an angel asleep upstairs who is counting on me to maintain order in the home, provide an never ending supply of bagels and cream cheese and ferry rides. No more time to fuss. Till the next time.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
20-20 Hindsight
It is said that hind sight is 20-20, but I’m not so sure when it comes to autism. In my 10+ year journey with my 12 year old son, I can’t say that vision has improved quite to the perfection of my optometrist standards of perfection. In fact I don’t think it has even to the level of my completely inadequate and aged vision with contact lenses or glasses. Not to say that there are not things that I would do differently with the skills, insight and experiences of the last decade. I have often thought that if I could I would teach a class for parents of newly diagnosed children with autism in order to spare them the many pains I’ve experienced and in order to help them manage the delicate balance required to care for your child while maintaining some semblance of a healthy marriage.
After receiving the news it is normal for a parent to go through a period of adjustment, so I would begin with the story of ‘We’re not in Holland’, though I would change it to Paradise, meaning, whatever your version of paradise is. In case you’re not familiar with the story – here it goes.
Your boo and you have been planning a vacation to the Bahamas for a while now. Since you have a lot of time to dream, you’ve been preparing well – researching the best resorts, buying the perfect outfits, even working out so that you will look amazing on the beaches in your newly acquired bathing suits. You’ve done your homework well and as the day approaches, you have had many conversations sharing fantasies about your anticipated vacation. So much so in fact that you’re both exhausted when you finally arrive at the airport terminal and fall fast asleep on the flight over. When you finally awake, you hear the announcement, ‘welcome to Heathrow Airport. That doesn’t sound like the right name, but you shrug it off and go on and gather your things and disembark.
When you get off the plane it’s foggy and chilly and the people around are speaking in a most familiar accent. You listen closely and you’re sure of it – it’s definitely British. So, you ask one of the flight attendants and she confirms your worst fears – you’re definitely in London. The two of you are insane with fatigue, so you immediately fly off the handle at one another, blaming each other for this fiasco and for offenses unrelated and even those yet to come. Eventually though you both come to your senses and begin to look around. For the next several hours you go through the normal stages of grief – denial, anger, sadness and finally acceptance. When you finally reach that place where you resign to the inevitable you are faced with a decision – either stay there and wallow of get off the pot and get to work to make a difference.
Sitting in Heathrow Airport looking out over the landscape, you begin to notice a few things that had escaped you earlier. It isn’t your choice of paradise, but the natives are friendly and inviting. You also remember that since you’re both a tad bit anal, you have saved all the receipts and paperwork from your preparations for your trip. After a few frantic phone calls, you are able to switch your reservations to a local bed and breakfast, along with your rental car reservation. You then find out that most of your purchases can be exchanged for suitable clothing. You then begin your vacation in earnest. Instead of lazy trips to the beach, you have trips to the country side, local castles, Buckingham and even Big Ben. You meet a group of natives who invite you out to several dinners at local taverns and embark on what will be lifelong friendships. You return to stateside with photos, videos, phone numbers and email addresses of people that will play a huge part in your lives well into the future.
The similarities of this trip to paradise and autism are pretty obvious. In the beginning it’s normal to be angry. It’s also expected to spend a little time denying that what your child has is autism and to become despondent about what is to come. After my son’s FIRST diagnosis, I was so angry that I called the offending doctor and fired him. And his receptionist. At some time however, you do need to take action, become informed, engaged and make connections that will help you for years to come. In the end what you will receive will make you a better parent, friend and human being.
After the initial shock of the diagnosis has worn off and you are now working for a common goal, it is common for many couples to forget that they are indeed a couple – hence the staggering divorce statistics for couples with a child on the spectrum. I’ve read statistics as high as 98% - doesn’t really matter because it was 100% in my son’s family and that’s the most important statistic here. But I digress.
I do think it’s important for there to be both a father and mother involved in the life of a child on the spectrum, if for only the division of labor aspect. Aside from that there are tasks that are more appropriate for the mother and others that the father are better suited for and ultimately the overall job is so large that efficiency is critical. So from the beginning of your journey you both should decide what those tasks are and divide them up accordingly.
Preservation of your marriage should also be on your never ending to-do list as well. So I would suggest a few additions to your daily planner.
1. I would strongly suggest that the two of you go away for a weekend after the diagnosis for the first of what should be an annual decompression period. You should divide the time equally between reacquainting yourselves with the couple in your family – dance, stroll, converse, flirt, smooch, dream, make love, get freaky if you want to – just pretend for a little while that it’s just the two of you. The other half should be spent planning for your re-entry into the real world – plan your time, resources and interventions, map out the next year so that you can hit the pavement running.
2. One of the first things you should do is research your respective insurance policies for limitations, coverage and procedures. This will be critical when you start signing up your child for various interventions.
3. Immediately upon your return, join a variety of on line and face to face support groups. I’ve learned more from my fellow parents than I have from all the ‘professionals’ combined – they are a valuable source of information and inspiration.
4. Recruit your family and friends for help. I wasn’t very successful on that end, but that could have been my approach and you could very well have more success. Use them for respite and also for social skills development, which is always in short supply.
5. Regular date nights – monthly, quarterly or weekly if you have the resources. Find something to do with your spouse to remind the both of you why you fell in love in the first place. Use this time for the two of you – not for autism. There will be plenty of time for autism – a life time of time, in fact.
6. If there are typically developing children involved, find a sibling support system for them. Typically children can be an enormous assistance for you and your ASD child, but it is not there job to their 24/7 in home therapist. Make sure that there is time for them to be special too.
The journey that I have been on has been a rocky one, but also one filled with touching memories and a group of friends, both on line and in person that have filled my life to the brim. I was not able to keep my marriage together, but I have gained so much from the challenges placed before me. I have become a better mother, a better friend and a better member of the community. My threshold of pain is enormous as my understanding of the human condition along with a plethora of useful information about a number of topics including special education law, childhood development, public services and even household repairs and maintenance. I hope that you will take this insight and use it to make your journey easier on everyone in your family.
After receiving the news it is normal for a parent to go through a period of adjustment, so I would begin with the story of ‘We’re not in Holland’, though I would change it to Paradise, meaning, whatever your version of paradise is. In case you’re not familiar with the story – here it goes.
Your boo and you have been planning a vacation to the Bahamas for a while now. Since you have a lot of time to dream, you’ve been preparing well – researching the best resorts, buying the perfect outfits, even working out so that you will look amazing on the beaches in your newly acquired bathing suits. You’ve done your homework well and as the day approaches, you have had many conversations sharing fantasies about your anticipated vacation. So much so in fact that you’re both exhausted when you finally arrive at the airport terminal and fall fast asleep on the flight over. When you finally awake, you hear the announcement, ‘welcome to Heathrow Airport. That doesn’t sound like the right name, but you shrug it off and go on and gather your things and disembark.
When you get off the plane it’s foggy and chilly and the people around are speaking in a most familiar accent. You listen closely and you’re sure of it – it’s definitely British. So, you ask one of the flight attendants and she confirms your worst fears – you’re definitely in London. The two of you are insane with fatigue, so you immediately fly off the handle at one another, blaming each other for this fiasco and for offenses unrelated and even those yet to come. Eventually though you both come to your senses and begin to look around. For the next several hours you go through the normal stages of grief – denial, anger, sadness and finally acceptance. When you finally reach that place where you resign to the inevitable you are faced with a decision – either stay there and wallow of get off the pot and get to work to make a difference.
Sitting in Heathrow Airport looking out over the landscape, you begin to notice a few things that had escaped you earlier. It isn’t your choice of paradise, but the natives are friendly and inviting. You also remember that since you’re both a tad bit anal, you have saved all the receipts and paperwork from your preparations for your trip. After a few frantic phone calls, you are able to switch your reservations to a local bed and breakfast, along with your rental car reservation. You then find out that most of your purchases can be exchanged for suitable clothing. You then begin your vacation in earnest. Instead of lazy trips to the beach, you have trips to the country side, local castles, Buckingham and even Big Ben. You meet a group of natives who invite you out to several dinners at local taverns and embark on what will be lifelong friendships. You return to stateside with photos, videos, phone numbers and email addresses of people that will play a huge part in your lives well into the future.
The similarities of this trip to paradise and autism are pretty obvious. In the beginning it’s normal to be angry. It’s also expected to spend a little time denying that what your child has is autism and to become despondent about what is to come. After my son’s FIRST diagnosis, I was so angry that I called the offending doctor and fired him. And his receptionist. At some time however, you do need to take action, become informed, engaged and make connections that will help you for years to come. In the end what you will receive will make you a better parent, friend and human being.
After the initial shock of the diagnosis has worn off and you are now working for a common goal, it is common for many couples to forget that they are indeed a couple – hence the staggering divorce statistics for couples with a child on the spectrum. I’ve read statistics as high as 98% - doesn’t really matter because it was 100% in my son’s family and that’s the most important statistic here. But I digress.
I do think it’s important for there to be both a father and mother involved in the life of a child on the spectrum, if for only the division of labor aspect. Aside from that there are tasks that are more appropriate for the mother and others that the father are better suited for and ultimately the overall job is so large that efficiency is critical. So from the beginning of your journey you both should decide what those tasks are and divide them up accordingly.
Preservation of your marriage should also be on your never ending to-do list as well. So I would suggest a few additions to your daily planner.
1. I would strongly suggest that the two of you go away for a weekend after the diagnosis for the first of what should be an annual decompression period. You should divide the time equally between reacquainting yourselves with the couple in your family – dance, stroll, converse, flirt, smooch, dream, make love, get freaky if you want to – just pretend for a little while that it’s just the two of you. The other half should be spent planning for your re-entry into the real world – plan your time, resources and interventions, map out the next year so that you can hit the pavement running.
2. One of the first things you should do is research your respective insurance policies for limitations, coverage and procedures. This will be critical when you start signing up your child for various interventions.
3. Immediately upon your return, join a variety of on line and face to face support groups. I’ve learned more from my fellow parents than I have from all the ‘professionals’ combined – they are a valuable source of information and inspiration.
4. Recruit your family and friends for help. I wasn’t very successful on that end, but that could have been my approach and you could very well have more success. Use them for respite and also for social skills development, which is always in short supply.
5. Regular date nights – monthly, quarterly or weekly if you have the resources. Find something to do with your spouse to remind the both of you why you fell in love in the first place. Use this time for the two of you – not for autism. There will be plenty of time for autism – a life time of time, in fact.
6. If there are typically developing children involved, find a sibling support system for them. Typically children can be an enormous assistance for you and your ASD child, but it is not there job to their 24/7 in home therapist. Make sure that there is time for them to be special too.
The journey that I have been on has been a rocky one, but also one filled with touching memories and a group of friends, both on line and in person that have filled my life to the brim. I was not able to keep my marriage together, but I have gained so much from the challenges placed before me. I have become a better mother, a better friend and a better member of the community. My threshold of pain is enormous as my understanding of the human condition along with a plethora of useful information about a number of topics including special education law, childhood development, public services and even household repairs and maintenance. I hope that you will take this insight and use it to make your journey easier on everyone in your family.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Water 1st Event at Seward Park
It was a beautiful summer day at Seward Park for Morgan Jr and I to make good on his reward for 5 days in a row of following his morning schedule to go to school. Who knew that Water 1st was holding an event to raise money and awareness for developing countries which don't have easy access to clean drinking water. You can read more about today's event, which raised more than $35,000, at http://www.water1st.org/events/CARRY5.html.
Apparently the event required participants to carry 5 gallons of water for 5 miles along Lake Washington Blvd, representing the distance that most families from poorer countries have to travel to get water. As you can see by this video, my son was not concerned in the least.
As others filled their milk jugs, gas cans and buckets in preparation for the trek, Morgan luxuriated in the coolness of Lake Washington. I don't know if other moms feel like me or if the accumulated effect of too little sleep colored my response to today's events, but it does seem that no matter what is going on, autism is not too far behind.
My first reaction was - why are they raising money for people half way around the world when their are millions that need help right here. I quickly reminded myself that diversity also means that we all get to choose the issues that move us off the couch to march, give and support.
I watched my son lounging on his inflatable whale, oblivious to all the commotion, and felt a twang of sadness mixed with jealousy. How I wished that I could take part in an effort that I could leave with the organizers when I was done. If only my son could walk beside me in an effort to eradicate poverty, or in support of gay rights or, like today, to provide clean water.
I have walked in the Walk for the Cure sponsored by Autism Speaks & Defeat Autism Now for 2 years and the end of each, I took the cause home with me. Autism awareness month is in April, but for me and thousands upon thousands more, it's every day.
I still have high hopes for my son that one day he will have the awareness to care about people far away or who are very different from ourselves. We will then walk and carry signs, join like minded families and friends, donate money and encourage others to do the same. Then when the event has concluded, we will pack away our signs and T shirts, go home and probably not give that cause another thought until the next year. Blissful ignorance but still satisfied that we have contributed and made a difference.
Apparently the event required participants to carry 5 gallons of water for 5 miles along Lake Washington Blvd, representing the distance that most families from poorer countries have to travel to get water. As you can see by this video, my son was not concerned in the least.
As others filled their milk jugs, gas cans and buckets in preparation for the trek, Morgan luxuriated in the coolness of Lake Washington. I don't know if other moms feel like me or if the accumulated effect of too little sleep colored my response to today's events, but it does seem that no matter what is going on, autism is not too far behind.
My first reaction was - why are they raising money for people half way around the world when their are millions that need help right here. I quickly reminded myself that diversity also means that we all get to choose the issues that move us off the couch to march, give and support.
I watched my son lounging on his inflatable whale, oblivious to all the commotion, and felt a twang of sadness mixed with jealousy. How I wished that I could take part in an effort that I could leave with the organizers when I was done. If only my son could walk beside me in an effort to eradicate poverty, or in support of gay rights or, like today, to provide clean water.
I have walked in the Walk for the Cure sponsored by Autism Speaks & Defeat Autism Now for 2 years and the end of each, I took the cause home with me. Autism awareness month is in April, but for me and thousands upon thousands more, it's every day.
I still have high hopes for my son that one day he will have the awareness to care about people far away or who are very different from ourselves. We will then walk and carry signs, join like minded families and friends, donate money and encourage others to do the same. Then when the event has concluded, we will pack away our signs and T shirts, go home and probably not give that cause another thought until the next year. Blissful ignorance but still satisfied that we have contributed and made a difference.
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